A Write Good!: The News report — “All the story, plus lies!”
(WriteGood!WireServices) Days after SeaWorld announced it will stop breeding killer whales and cease theatrical shows featuring them, the theme park has quietly begun deporting its resident population of orcas.
GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump hailed the move, claiming, as he often does at campaign rallies, that orcas are “a pack of job-stealing illegal immigrant fish.”
SeaWorld was quick to refute Trump’s assertion, calling him “misinformed.”
“They aren’t fish, okay? And they swim in pods, not packs,” said SeaWorld Director of Public Apologies Rocky “Aquaman” Butane.
“Oh, and whose jobs are performing orcas ‘stealing’? Actors? What professional actor is willing to put on an orca suit, swim for hours, and leap in the air just for a chunk of frozen squid? Besides Nicholas Cage, I mean.”
Killer whales forced to flee SeaWorld leave behind irreplaceable family photos, home furnishings, and a fortune in krill.
However, Trump on the campaign trail continued to take credit for the mass exiles, telling supporters, “These deportations are just the beginning.”
“I gotta tell you, folks, they’re not just killer whales,” Trump said. “A lot of them are drug dealers and rapists.
“And the media’s so scared, they won’t say a word. Just like they don’t talk about illegal jellyfish, who they’re too politically correct to call Portuguese Man-of-Wars.
“Well, here’s some news, folks. My first day as president, all these Portuguese Man-of-Wars – gone! Back to Spain, along with their fat, ugly Portuguese Woman-of-Wars wives!”
Asked if Trump’s comments were further splintering an already disjointed GOP, Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus claimed he would not respond until he and his family were safely aboard their intergalactic escape ship and outside the orbit of Saturn.
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Filed under: Humor, politics Tagged: captivity, election, GOP, killer, orca, president, presidential, protest, Republican, SeaWorld, Trump, whale
